Restoration

Ok I generally wait a couple days but I had to write about this.  I was reminded of something tonight that I just can’t wait to write down.  Where to start, where to start…

Everyone makes mistakes.  Unfortunately sometimes those mistakes make a much larger splash in the water than we would like.  I’m reminded of something someone said that I have held very close to my heart over the past several years.  I don’t remember who said it, but the line was, “I may have missed it then but I’m not missing it now.” I’ve never been much of a confrontational person.  As a matter of fact, to be perfectly honest, I tend to keep both conversation and general friendships pretty shallow.  Not so much in the sense that I don’t care for someone, but in that I don’t share too much with too many people.  I have no problem when people want to open up to me.  I actually enjoy having the opportunity to help someone through things; even if it’s just to hear them vent.  I have always said that I have many acquaintances and few friends; though that isn’t exactly correct.  I do have many acquaintances and I do have many friends, but I don’t have many close friends. I mean the kind of friends that I can talk about anything with.  As a matter of fact I think I can count on one hand the number of people I consider to be close friends.  It’s something I’m working on.  But that’s not what this is about.

            This is about missing it; which I can say I’ve done.  More than I’d like to admit, too.  Today that saying has been ringing in my head.  I don’t really like confronting God about certain issues.  I can often recognize when I’ve missed it even I don’t want to admit it.  It’s kind of like steering a ship.  One degree off may not be a big deal a mile from harbor, but 200 miles later you’re so far off that you’ve lost your original destination completely.  The downside is that you can’t just ignore it.  You can’t just ignore the problem and expect it to go away.  That’s when the confrontation comes into play.

            I love David.  I find it ironic that God still called him a man after His own heart.  He killed an innocent man.  Worse, he killed an innocent man after he slept with that innocent man’s wife.  He missed it and he knew it.  Nathan called him out on it too.  Yet David knew the answer to the problem.  He needed to get back on track.  So, in turn, Psalm 51 was birthed of the sorrow David felt towards the wrong he had done.  Not because he killed a man, but because in the process He disobeyed God.  Verse 10-12 of Psalm 51 says,

“Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
  Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
  Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”

I don’t know what it is that hurts so badly when you have to correct a problem you know you’ve caused.  It shows me just how much our own pride gets in the way.  When we’re wrong and we know we need to come to God, we have this view that He’s sitting there with a hammer and He’s just going to bash us over the head the minute we admit we were wrong.  Or worse, He’ll ridicule us and tell us, “I told you so.”

Yeah well that’s not the God I know.  That’s not the Jesus that had compassion on the multitudes, forgave the woman caught in adultery, and never turned a person away regardless of their current condition.  He’s not mad.  He’s not angry with me.  He’s not holding some grudge waiting for the opportune moment to strike.  I remember the moment I gave my life to Christ.  I was weak, broken, angry, hurting, and I hadn’t wanted anything to do with God.  When I finally gave in and gave my life to Him, it’s like I could feel Him smile over me.  I still feel it.  He still likes me.

So am I missing it now?  No.  I did though.  But I’m not missing it now.

Been Thinkin' Bout Thinkin'....

Not gonna lie been drawing a blank the last couple days.  Looks like it might just be more rambling…

I’ve been thinking a lot about life in general.  I look back at how my life used to be and thoughts I used to have about the future.  There was a time when I had the next 9 years of my life all planned out.  Then God stepped in and ruined all my plans.  Oh how grateful I am now that it happened.

I think back to a specific time when I it hit me that all my plans really were ruined.  It was around the time when I finished my associate’s degree, knew that I shouldn’t move to Italy and do culinary school, yet I had no idea what to do next.  For the first time in my life I hadn’t the slightest idea what was next, let alone 3-5 years down the road, and it was terribly frightening.  I mean literally frightening.  I was so used to coming up with my own plans and my own agendas and knowing exactly what would happen; yet now I was faced with the knowledge that God had a specific plan and calling for me.  I understood soon after being saved that the most vital thing I could do to please God was to love Him and to let Him actually be God in my life.  That meant giving up my mediocre agenda for His awesome agenda.  So long story short, I had something of a mental breakdown.  Then I just said “forget it,” and ran with it.  And really it was that simple of a decision. 

It’s funny though because I’ve been doing that ever since.  I guess the closer I get to finishing my time at Rhema the more I begin to think about what’s up ahead.  Yet now it’s different.  Now, I don’t want to know; not until I need to.  I’m so fascinated with how God orchestrates changes.  I think about the verse in Song of Solomon,

“Awake, O north wind,
      And come, O south!
      Blow upon my garden,
      That its spices may flow out.
      Let my beloved come to his garden
      And eat its pleasant fruits.”

It speaks of the consummation of the marriage but it’s also her accepting both the winds of adversity (the north, cold wind), and the winds of blessing (the south, warm wind).  It was a complete letting go of everything with the understanding that it would produce something: the spices would flow out. 

I mean to be perfectly honest, I could care less what happens.  Well… not in the sense of being indifferent towards it, but in the sense that I actually trust God.  It’s one thing to accept Christ as Savior, but there comes a point when every Christian must accept Him as Lord too.  I decided shortly after my salvation that I had done a pretty cruddy job being Lord of my life and figured if He really knew what He was doing, then I should probably just let Him take care of it.

Unfortunately it’s more than just my plans He wants Lordship over.  I don’t really know what it is about human nature to cling to the useless, but I’m finding the more I can kill the fleshly nature, the more accepting spirit nature can step in to place.  C.S. Lewis said it best, "The natural life] knows that if the spiritual life gets hold of it, all its self-centredness and self-will are going to be killed and it is ready to fight tooth and nail to avoid that." 

This brings me to some good ol’ Waterdeep…

“Think I’ll give up my control,

Because I’ve always tried to shake life by throat

Always hiding from the unknown

Always thinking it’s not time yet to move on…”

Waterdeep - Hold On

I think next time I’ll talk about the whole heaven thing since it would make this post awfully long.

Thoughts on God's thoughts

I thought long and hard about what to write in this entry and to be perfectly honest, I got nothing.  I began to write about intimacy with God but I quickly realized I’m just not ready for that yet.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately; about life in general both past, present, and future.  I’ve been thinking about what God has brought me out of, what He is doing in me now, and what in the world He has in store for me later.  I once panicked at the thought of serving God in the capacity to which I have been able to serve Him now.  Yet as every day passes and I begin to turn each area of my life back to my first love, I realize how less and less scary it gets.  My once fevered thoughts of the magnitude of the call have been replaced by dreams too big for me to complete on my own and though my flesh hates it, my spirit is absolutely ecstatic.

I wonder sometimes if God is as ecstatic about His plans for us as we are.  He’s known me for a long time and He’s had a lot of time to think about this moment.  Same goes for every single person.  God formed each of us, breathed in His life, saw our lives end from beginning, and thought, “This is gonna be great”

This wasn’t really meant to be some sappy post, but sometimes, I think it’s a good idea to remember that He really likes me; even when I don’t like myself.  Even when I don’t think He should like me.  He may be concerned with every part of my life, but I’m certainly glad He chooses to ignore my opinions every now and then.

"I once listened to an Indian on television say that God was in the wind and the
water, and I wondered at how beautiful that was because it meant you could swim in Him
or have Him brush your face in a breeze. I am early in my story, but I believe I will
stretch out into eternity, and in heaven I will reflect upon these early days, these days
when it seemed God was down a dirt road, walking toward me. Years ago He was a
swinging speck in the distance; now He is close enough I can hear His singing. Soon I
will see the lines on His face."

Donald Miller - Blue Like Jazz

New blog. New reasoning.

Seriously though, I need to start writing again. 

So I decided to start my blog again.  Funny thing is the last blog I started went poof with the old email.  So it's dead.  Twice.  Coincidentally, I can't just delete the old blog and use the same name, which to be honest, is terrible planning.  So I created a new blog.  Way to stick it to The Man.  Way to stick it indeed.  Now the title is pretty self explanatory.  Although this blog won't be all spiritual ramblings, there may be a couple or five.  You may be looking at the web address and be thinking, "What the heck is a happy squid?"

Well I'm glad you didn't ask. 

Why the Squid is Happy.

This will be the first of many descriptions (ramblings) on little revelations (thoughts that lead to more thoughts).  So what is a happy squid?  Well it's not a squid.  It's an octopus.  But since I can't draw, a squid is just as close a description and "happy octopus" doesn't roll off the tongue as well.  One day, The Happy Squid may just be the name of my coffee house.  For now, it's a way of life.

            But really the happy squid is pretty profound.  See, in teaching a few other baristas how to do latte art, usually when a mess up occurs it all looks the same: a small, white, circular blob in the middle of the drink.  Most would discredit the latte art and pass it on, but me, yeah well I make it into something.  I grab my little thermometer and teach them how to make an octopus.  A few “pull through” here and a few “eyes and mouth” there, and you’ve got yourself a happy octopus.  Then they bring it to the table and the customer laughs and smiles and says it’s a cute little squid.  I don’t care what they call it.  I know what it is.

            So what’s the significance? It’s just like God to make something beautiful out of a mess.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what in the world He was thinking.  If Jesus really is the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world (which He is), and God really does see the end from the beginning (which He does), well then He didn’t go into this thing blind.  He knew what He was doing when He made man.  I believe Psalm 139 when it says that He fashioned me in my mother’s womb; that in wonder and fear He knit me together.  As Aaron Strumpel so wonderfully said, “He should’ve been scared.”

            Yet to spite all this, He formed me, breathed His life into me, watched me turn my back and make a mess, and when I let Him, He took His little thermometer and with a few “pull through” here and a few “eyes and heart” there, He made me a happy little squid.  He took a mess and made it beautiful.   

So that’s my story.   

That’s why the squid is happy.  He’s not a mistake.   

God still loves him and He likes him too.